Watching from the Fringe

lebaronWhat do you do for those days when it suddenly hits you that your child may never have the life experiences that you hoped for him?  That he might always be on the sidelines, watching others from the fringe?

I know that we are blessed to not be suffering more.  Our son is healthy.  He is alive.  He can speak and understand us. There are more difficult challenges out there.

Yet in the deepest crevices of this mother’s heart, I fear for him still.  I worry that he might always walk the lonely road.  A child so young should not have such intimate knowledge of the atonement in regards to sorrow and pain.  He knows and understands clearly that the Savior also felt what it was like to be an outcast.

Do you ever just wish your child could go on believing that he isn’t different?  I know that these experiences help him have empathy for others.  They keep him close to Heavenly Father.  I still wish I could fix it.

My son’s school posted this picture of their class Coding.  This is something that my son loves to do.  It lebaron2 just hit me that he is all alone, by himself, and he may always be.

I was fine.  Now I’m feeling melancholy and blubbery. Help!

Favorite scriptures, talks, insights when you feel hopeless?

2 Responses to “Watching from the Fringe”

  1. Shareen Halliday Shareen Halliday

    Mostly I don’t mind the different path, but once in a while things try to shake my tree. It has been much harder as they get older and more aware of their peers moving on. But taking my grief to the Lord has truly brought me closer to him and his bigger picture. Then he reminds me to watch for moments when I can see his hand, and gratitude will out-weigh and out-last the pains.

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  2. Christina Jensen

    I believe this is a journey our precious little ones volunteered to walk for the blessings it would give to others. And for all the experiences other parents have, there are certain things they miss out on learning about the Savior and the Atonement because they don’t get to take our journey. It is a tough one, but so was the Martin and Willie Handcart experience, and those who made that journey had no regrets. The nice experiences of this life are really nothing compared to the the blessings of eternity promised to those who make the harder journey. I love the phrase the bigger picture. I think maybe this experience helps me to see that there is a bigger picture … so much more than this life. This life is not the reward, it is the test.

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