Not Sorry

Isenhower 5When my daughter Callie was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy a couple of years ago, we received an outpouring of support and love from our friends and family.  Everyone was trying to be so kind and considerate of our feelings.  However, one sentiment that I heard a lot of was “I’m so sorry.”

For some reason, it just kind of caught me off guard.  I was feeling so many emotions at the same time.  Devastation that my baby would never be able to walk.  Relief that it wasn’t because I’d been doing something wrong.  Fear that I might outlive my child . . .  every mother’s worst nightmare.  But sorry?  Something about that just didn’t sit right with me.

Then, I got this message from a dear friend:

“Tonight you just posted one of the most beautiful, true, sweet-spirited pictures of a child I think I’ve ever seen.  She is so full of life and so inspiring in that picture.  I don’t want to give you any “I’m so sorry”‘s, because I’m not sorry that Heavenly Father sent you such an amazing little girl . . .  and it’s always awesome to see His hand in everything, because he knew your family would be capable and most blessed with Callie in it.”

That was it.  How could I be sorry when I had this beautiful gift of a daughter right in front of me?  Nothing had happened to her; SMA was something she’d had all along.  It was part of her, just as much as her big brown eyes or her lilting voice or her sweet, sweet smile.  It was all part of a package that God had wrapped up and sent especially to me.  And for that, I could never be sorry.

Two years later, our baby boy was born.Isenhour fam  When his test came back negative for SMA, everyone said, “What a blessing!”  I was grateful for the kind words, but again, it just didn’t seem right.  If his negative results were a blessing, did that make Callie’s condition a curse?

Both of my children are blessings.  I thank God every day for trusting me with them  . . .  for choosing me to be their mother.  Life with two has been interesting.  I’ve felt grateful, depressed, elated, irritated, overwhelmed with joy, overwhelmed with anxiety. 

But sorry?

Definitely not.

For additional understanding of SMA, click HERE .

7 Responses to “Not Sorry”

  1. Kelsey T.

    Wonderful essay, Aimee! So true!!

  2. Mary G

    This is perfect!

  3. Karen Hiatt

    Thank you for your beautiful comments. And thank you for sharing both of your beautiful children with us all!

  4. Janeen Ashcraft

    I am grateful for your example of faith in Heavenly Father’s plan for you and your family! You are a wonderful mom!

  5. Mary D.

    Callie’s light shines so brightly because it is truly a reflection of YOUR light, of HIS light. Thank you for making my small world larger and brighter!

  6. Emily K

    I love you sooo much Aimee and your family is blessed to have you and you are right! You’re blessed with two amazingly sweet little angels and God could not have picked a more amazing person to be their mother. 🙂

  7. Miranda Marrott Miranda Marrott

    Thanks for the reminder that they are all blessings … no matter what package they come wrapped in. I think, as adults, we need to remember this about everyone around us … including us. Our culture is so demanding in its opinion about bodies and what they should look like, be able to do, etc. It’s easy for us to forget that all our bodies are blessings. They’re the vehicles we have been given to achieve progression and you’re right, that’s nothing to be sorry about.