When my daughter Callie was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy a couple of years ago, we received an outpouring of support and love from our friends and family. Everyone was trying to be so kind and considerate of our feelings. However, one sentiment that I heard a lot of was “I’m so sorry.”
For some reason, it just kind of caught me off guard. I was feeling so many emotions at the same time. Devastation that my baby would never be able to walk. Relief that it wasn’t because I’d been doing something wrong. Fear that I might outlive my child . . . every mother’s worst nightmare. But sorry? Something about that just didn’t sit right with me.
Then, I got this message from a dear friend:
“Tonight you just posted one of the most beautiful, true, sweet-spirited pictures of a child I think I’ve ever seen. She is so full of life and so inspiring in that picture. I don’t want to give you any “I’m so sorry”‘s, because I’m not sorry that Heavenly Father sent you such an amazing little girl . . . and it’s always awesome to see His hand in everything, because he knew your family would be capable and most blessed with Callie in it.”
That was it. How could I be sorry when I had this beautiful gift of a daughter right in front of me? Nothing had happened to her; SMA was something she’d had all along. It was part of her, just as much as her big brown eyes or her lilting voice or her sweet, sweet smile. It was all part of a package that God had wrapped up and sent especially to me. And for that, I could never be sorry.
Two years later, our baby boy was born. When his test came back negative for SMA, everyone said, “What a blessing!” I was grateful for the kind words, but again, it just didn’t seem right. If his negative results were a blessing, did that make Callie’s condition a curse?
Both of my children are blessings. I thank God every day for trusting me with them . . . for choosing me to be their mother. Life with two has been interesting. I’ve felt grateful, depressed, elated, irritated, overwhelmed with joy, overwhelmed with anxiety.
For additional understanding of SMA, click HERE .