Some days, as much as you want to be strong and capable, it just doesn’t work out that way. Whatever is on your plate at the moment, like chronic fatigue, or ptsd, or whatever fiery furnace is the lot of the day … it gets to the point, for me anyway, of getting the kids to their schools and places to be, then coming back home to take a nap. Once, I could’t even do that, and I called the kids in sick. (When mom’s sick, nothing happens.)
I need to tell you of a special moment that happened for me during one of these dark parts awhile ago. I was at a point where I was praying and pondering … calling to my Father “I know all the ‘Sunday School’ answers about how to feel closer to thee … the scriptures, fasting, doing service for others in the Temple, etc … but what do you do when you can’t do any of these things? What do you do when you don’t have big enough blocks of time (between all the kid’s needs) for excursions to the Temple, and you’re so drained that your eyes don’t cooperate to read scriptures, and the computer is down so you can’t even have it read the scriptures to you?”
Well, I felt answered.
A song came to mind that I had never really thought about … and it was the second verse of the song, no less. It went like this, as it came to me: “Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings, angels will attend. Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.”
A sweet feeling, a lightening of the weight lifted my heart. And I remembered the recent conference talk, “Look Up”. Finally, once again I felt like my head was above water and I could breathe … and watch for the good moments … smiles with my kids … an awesome sunrise.
Writing this has been so good for me this morning. Yesterday included one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had. But this morning’s predawn quiet was a moment of peace I was able to share with my youngest … each of us typing on a laptop (she has been doing the National Novel Writing Month thing in the mornings). I so enjoyed the quiet companionship.
My November Gratitudes would never be complete without a loving thankfulness to my Father In Heaven for coming to my rescue when I need it … and for journaling and blogging that help me remember it when I need it again.